Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I mean DAMNNNN!

why when there are 5+ stalls in a bathroom (all of them EMPTY) does a woman come and sit in the one right next to you?

and then busts ass.

logged as pet peeve #672.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

A Theory

I have a theory that whatever image (or lack thereof) is on your desktop is the true lens into your soul. I have tropical, deserted island scene with clear water and 3 single palm trees. My soul is:
  • Hot
  • Uninhabitable
  • Sparse
  • Void of reality
  • ...and yet still alluring

Reader, i ask you: are you a tropical, deserted island or a moonscape? are you a grassy knoll or a wintry wonderland...?

(dang. i need a hobby. or less work.)

did i mention...

...in this utopia of a company i work for, our building is home to about a dozen modelling agencies....one of whom is NEXT door to our office. Day after day 14-18 year old leggy, doe-eyed models line the halls. as i pass them i can feel their envy, their longing, their admiration. all i can do is shoot them an empathetic look that says "hey, don't despair kiddo -- you too can end your torment as an objectified beauty, get saddle bags, cellulite, and a job as a middle manager. keep working at it and all that your see before you can be yours...maybe even the title 'Engagement Director' like me. maybe. no promises, just a goal kiddo....just a goal."

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

sigh

it has been a while people (xmastime - need more free publicity here...). much has happened over the last several weeks. for the 2 readers i have left, an update:

we bought a new car! traded in the 1994 honda passport for a newer version. i am officially a suburban mom who drives her gas guzzling honda pilot (yes playah hatahs it does have leather interior) to and from work, the grocery store, and ikea. frankly, i find the whole business erotic.












lil peanut has taken to pointing out the color of people's skin. the scene: getting blood drawn at a LabCorps in Bklyn; sitting in waiting room. an indian man sits across from us. "look mommy, a black man!" ummmmm. yea. well at least he does not discriminate - the white folks get quite the shout out too. sweet. i am an incompetent, racist mother. who finds eroticism in being suburban.

we have officially started on lil peanut #2 (and no i will still bite your head off if you make cutesy remarks like "are you not driiiinking tonight??"). with military precision i have managed to render my simple-pleasures-hubby impotent for the first time in seven years...or...well... ever. i guess, "DO IT NOW" is not that much of a turn on....unless i am Ulga of the Tundra...but i lost that wig and walking stick. on the bright side i have a feeling tonight might just be the night...huzzah hot hubby!
We had an organizational consultant come in and re-do our closets. hubby spent most of the time drinking beers and staring down her low cut shirt. i, however, managed to only stare down her low cut shirt. in any case our closets are now martha stewart ready. and i feel that my OCD has been acutely satisfied. I realized just how obsessive I am about clutter and hoarding. i'd throw out lil peanut's baby book if it took up too much room. and that is because i am an obsessive compulsive erotic suburban mom.


(hubby's closet)
finally, i have decided that i was adopted. consider the evidence, mon frere: